Often you will hear the phrase ‘where there is life there is hope’, I also believe the opposite to be true.
I personally feel that a life without hope is at best an existence.
I think it is fair to say that we all go through challenges in life and sometimes when times are really bad, hope that can be the only thing that keeps us going.
My personal challenges
A few months before my thirtieth birthday several months after a failed IVF attempt my marriage finally broke down. A few months later my house was repossessed and 1 day before my birthday I was declared bankrupt. I was working in a job where I had to inform my employer of my bankruptcy and wait for them to decide if I would be able to keep my job.
Things seemed pretty bleak and for several months I teetered on the edge of depression. I believe one of the defining symptoms of depression is a loss of hope.
Fortunately, I was able to keep my job and I had supportive parents who allowed me to move back home, and while at first that wasn’t easy for any of us, we are now closer than ever before.
There were still dark days and on many of those days’ life was very much like an existence, going to work, coming home, eating and sleeping and not much else.
Eventually I realised that I needed to change something in my life, and although I didn’t realise it at the time what I needed was a healthy dose of hope.
Not knowing where to turn and not having much money I immersed myself into the world of self-improvement reading, blogs, books and anything I could get my hands on that could help me create a better life for myself.
I became obsessed with the work of an American yogini called Kimberly Wilson and read everything of hers that I could get my hands on. I also read and watched the Secret by Rhonda Byrne and my life began to change.
A glimmer of hope started shine from inside of me and I as my heart and my mind opened up to the possibility of a happy life opportunities and ideas started to come.
It began with my being kinder to myself and not seeing my body as my enemy and also realising that all of the mistakes I had made and the seemingly wrong turns I had taken in my life were actually lessons that I could learn from.
As I looked back over my past relationships I could see patterns repeated. I had always put the other person first and supported them and their needs. I also was guilty of getting into relationships where I perceived the other person somehow in need of fixing. Due to being overweight most of my adult life I was also fairly insecure and lacking in confidence and this turned out to be a recipe for a history of co-dependant relationships.
As I understood more about myself and what motivated me, I became more open-minded and more willing to open my heart again. I came to realise that I wanted to dip my toe into the dating world again, I was once again feeling hope that I could in fact have a successful relationship.
I was quite scared because most of my previous relationships had started in work or at university/college etc. So I wasn’t exactly sure how to go about meeting men. I tried the usual going to bars etc, but as I am quite introverted I found this really hard work and just didn’t seem to click with any of the men I met.
I was chatting with a friend one day and she suggested online dating, at first I thought ‘oh no that’s only for weirdo’s but with my new-found hope and my willingness to be open I decided to give it a go.
I am not going to lie, there were some really bad dates, but there were some really good ones too. The bad ones often became tales of amusement that I would share with my friends and they looked forward to my weekly updates.
I remember one day, after a particularly disastrous date, one of my friends asked me if I didn’t think that it might me time to give it a rest, that if I hadn’t found a relationship by now maybe it just wasn’t means to be. I remember telling her that if I had a bad meal that wouldn’t stop me from eating again in the future and that I just had to keep trying. I had hope and I was not going to give up.
Plus I was having fun, I wasn’t expecting to meet the one, I just saw it as a way of getting myself out there and meeting men and enjoying myself. meal I wouldn’t stop eating’. You just have to keep trying.
I realised that my experiences and newly earned knowledge could be used to help other people, and so I enrolled on a life coaching course. This was another fantastic opportunity to learn more about myself.
I realised that some of the values that I considered were paramount in my life were less important than I thought, and that I actually valued freedom over all else. This likely stemmed from the fact that my marriage was quite a controlling one, to this day freedom is a value that I hold dear. But having hope is literally one of the most important things in my life.
All in all without the hope of better days I would not have made it through the dark days, nor would I have tried new things and been willing to keep trying.
This is why I believe wholeheartedly that ‘Where there is hope there is life’ and I incorporate this into my role as Transformational Online Dating Coach, helping other women find the relationships that they desire and deserve.
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Lots of love